The Unswung Bat

Wednesday, March 10, 2004
 

FUCK TIBET!


Free THIS!

Everyone has late nights sometimes. University students have more of them, on average. At least, my kind of university students do. So let me tell you why I'm ready to lay waste to fucking forlorn Tibet.

I was lying asleep in bed, resting beautifully, just this morning, when there goes marching past my window, not such a huge group, about fifty people, but shouting at the top of their lungs: "FREE TIBET!" They seem to be shouting five or six different, clashing, rhythmic chants simultaneously. Look up 'cacaphony' in the dictionary and, if the book could scream at you, this is what it would sound like. It lasts about two minutes. At first I don't know what's going on. Then I know, oh how I know.

"FREE TIBET!"

It takes me two hours to get to sleep lately. Two hours. I went to bed at 6 am. These dumb fucks marched by at 12. You do the math.

Godammit, I didn't invade Tibet! I don't think anyone on the university campus is even remotely responsible for the occupation. Maybe this one guy. What the fuck do these protest kids want from me? I would really love to punch the dumb ass son of a bitch who decided to route that little parade past the dorms. What. The. Fuck. Yeah, not everyone's like me, some of them sleep reasonable hours. Some of them didn't have a midterm yesterday, an essay due today and another one tomorrow. But it's a safe bet here that at any given time, a lot of people do and are trying hard to scrape together a bit of sleep. It's hard enough with the cars and the radiator I can't turn down even though it's too hot and the noises the elevator makes. And then come these fucking jackasses.

I was walking down the street later singing Sweet Jane in my head, and I went through two verses and was in the middle of the chorus when I realized I wasn't singing Sweet Jane. All the other lyrics were the same, but instead of Jane I was singing "Sweet Brain." What does that even mean? I'm swapping one word for another one that rhymes with it. Without realizing it. In my own head. That's how tired I am.

Who in the holy name of God were they protesting to? Is there not a Chinese consulate in Toronto? There's an American one. You know what the best thing about it is? It's out of earshot.

The protest did manage to mobilize my conscience, though. I can no longer stand idly by as Tibet sits there and inspires random acts of senseless political involvement. In the spirit of peace, I say we bomb tha fucking shit out of that rat hole and knock it back to the Stone Age. Shouldn't even take too long.

Motherfucking Tibet. I don't want none of you skinny little hipsters talking to me about Tibet.



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