The Unswung Bat

Tuesday, October 11, 2005
 
A Practical Application of Google(tm).


Long Time No Tree!
Hugh at one point a while ago said that, due to the actions of some freakily-named fake cult, a google search of his full name produced lots of pictures of firebreathing gargoyles and temples in the jungle. Sadly this awesome misrepresentation of Hugh is no more. He advised after this tale against google-searching your friends' names, 'cuz it all comes back with porn, no matter what. Probably you could type in "Dalai Lama" and get some kind of action. But I wondered what I'd get if I turned SafeSearch on. Once you filter out the porno-graphy, the internet's a fairly dry mild-mannered place, no?

So anyway, I typed in a bunch of youse guys' names and saw these things in the #1 result spot:

Hugh Alter - A picture of Hugh Alter. Well that's freaking boring.

Meredith White - The gravestone of Mary White from the cemetary in Meredith, Texas.

Dave Clark - Shockingly, the Dave Clark 5

Byron Wolfman - Hardcore pornography. No actually, just this picture: ...But this was #2.

Leora Courtney - THIS child's drawing, which I demand you see now. And when you're done with that one, then (and only then) THIS one! Wow. What bizarrely apt crazyshit. Anyway, the fourth pic was of her playing keys at the Reverb in a clopsified red shirt, and the 2nd and 3rd were bandmates at the same show, so fairly good representing.

Caedmon Ricker-Wilson - Nothin'

Laura DeHaan - The Women's Studies program at North Dakota State University.

Gigi Omar - A dancing Thai chef in purple clothes backed by a Phillipino guitarist in blue civvies serenading on an acoustic jeetar. By which I mean guitar.

Weija Chiang - Nuffin'

Jenny Wang - A different Jenny Wang, either from California - or the Dimension Of DOOM. But #4 was the "real" Jenny: Voilà.

Kaspar Bentonwood - Nothing, apparently he is the product of my imagination.

Kara McIntosh - A very creepy photo from a child beauty pageant. Ewww. Ironic also because Kara's possibly the oldest of all my friends, and therefore least likely to win a child beauty pageant on those grounds alone.

Ephraim Ellis - I'm not even gonna bother, I assume it'll be a headshot or promotional pic, either from Degrassi or Falcon Beach, or possibly that YTV Sci-Fi show. Okay, I tried anyway: his came up with a dreamy off-center black-and-white portrait from the waist up, with hands folded in front of him that said "stay back . . ." but a glittering rogueish grin that said "unless you're ready for this!" It was on www.popgurls.com, and it was about Degrassi.

Mordenkainen - Badass, baby.

Max Hazen - Seriously, about 50 pictures, ALL of them of heavily tattoed men, except for one of a normal-looking middle-aged woman.

Matt Schwemlein - Nuttin

Neil Lamont - A 1940s hockey team from the T.S. Vindicatrix Assn. in the UK. (a.k.a. the "vindi boys.")

Me - No picture

Andra - A really cute picture of her, from her blog.

Victor Ragusila - An old photo of him at the Calgary SciTech Fair.

Rachelle McGill - A hairy centaur baboon. (I'm very, very sorry. Here. Here it is.)

I'm tired now, no more!

In good news I am actually writing a story that'll go up here, along with some respec'able, god-fearing blogging of the sort you've come to associate with my name. And possibly some news on this "Italy" trip I apparently took this summer, if I can call those foggy, distant details back to memory.



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