The Unswung Bat

Tuesday, March 21, 2006
What Don't You Think?

Frankfurts of the Mind is done, 26 pages long, and totally different from the little bit I worked on here (it was a very organic process: now it's about an angst-ridden half-feline teenage fallen angel chasing his past and coming to terms with his his future, in an amalgm of the Star Wars and Akira universes, set in Tokyo during the Yuuzhan Vong crisis/Seven years after the events of the original manga). *Ahem.* Yeah! I totally wrote that story. Oh, and the title character happens to share my exact name. That's me all the way. Anyway, enough of that, I need you to take part in my Masterplan. Read!

My friends, I desire your help in constructing my evil twin so that we can fight. I have all the cybertronic devices, lazors, and starch-rich vegetables I need to create the body of my doppleganger foe, but designing the seed of purest anti-me that must burn at the heart of its artificial intelligence unit, beneath the padding of browned kohlrabi and potato shavings, requires your assistance.

I wasn't always into building evil-me's to challenge. As a kid I loved playing Password and Mastermind, both games where the deduction you performed had some visual representation. Mastermind in particular was fantastic: you would make guesses at a secret arrangment of colored pins, getting feedback that told you the number of correct colors and positions in your guess, but not which ones were right and which were wrong. That had to be determined by clever deduction. It also sharpened my Masterplanning skills.

I have always liked word games too, so Password, with its gimmicky red screen that made red writing disappear, revealing the blue-text "password" beneath, 3d-glasses style, was close to my heart. Plus it had snappy blue Leatherette sleeves for holding the password cards. This was when I had at my disposal, for at least a couple hours most days, both a Nintendo and an AT&T computer with 3-D Tetris which definitely gave board games a run for their money.

What would've blown the Box and the PC out of the water is if the word-association of Password were somehow compatible with the stark, elegantly layered logic of Mastermind. But I never knew how the hell that would work.

So when I read the description of the silly-named Johari Window, the part where it says "by describing yourself from a fixed list of adjectives, then asking your friends and colleagues to describe you from the same list, a grid of overlap and difference can be built up," struck up a spark of peculiar joy in me. Words, grids, overlap, not stupid-sounding . . . hells yeah.

Still, although I am as vain as I am fabulous, I can't ever recall asking anyone "what they like about me" and I don't think I will. On the other hand, the converse Nohari Window, a grid of overlapping digs at one's character, shows all the signs of the devil's handiwork. As I was thinking about this, it hit me—a way to harness the power of this shifty gizmometer to help complete my evil twin!

I don't want to hear the good things you think about me, I especially don't want to hear the bad things you think about me. Frankly, I don't even want to hear the good things you don't think about me. That too asks for troubles. But I do want to construct a Plant Robot who represents all the most wicked and unwholesome things that I do not stand for. So I thought I'd try doing this _ohari thing backwards. Hence, a Masterplan was born, and one that shant be stopped by those meddling heroes this time. What? Just because I'm the good twin doesn't mean there can't be heroes out to get me. Fuckin' heroes.

Unstoppable Masterplan

Phase One: Go to Not André's Not-Nohari Window and choose the 5 or 6 words that least describe me. By definition, these are the best descriptors of my evil counterpart.

Phase Two: If feasible, buy me a few more lazors, as they are invaluable.

Phase Three: Kombat!

Sound excellent? Good, off you go.

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