I Needed to Share This With You

I found this while looking for trogdor pics for an unrelated reason

That is all.

Awards Show

And the nothing goes to Leora! And since no one else bothered to write a story, clearly you could benefit from exposure to her special brand of creativity, therefore, at no cost to you, I'm publishing the tale, entitled "Pirate Story," for the world to read here on this global forum.

Pirate Story

By Leora Courtney(-Wolfman)

Personally, I don't think a priate with a nameless
ship is something to LOL about. Oh, no. Pirates are
ridden with a condition not unlike penis envy when it
comes to having the best named ship.

I learned of this in the summer of 1997 when I was
enrolled in a canoe camp. My camp counsellor, who we affectionately called "Walfy" was coincidentally the same pirate you speak about. I always thought he was a bit odd, but never suspected that he was a pirate until I received a postcard from him two years later on the eve of my fiftteenth birthday.

I have since lost the postcard, cause my mom has this
bad habit of recycling everything and anything that
looks like it once was a happy tree branch in rural
British Columbia. I don't know why, but she does.

Alas, the postcard is gone, but the closing statement
of it still haunts me every night of my life.

"Leora, name me boat or I will mail ye a sting ray!"

I was at loss for ideas, but didn't want my 15th
birthday to be a day full of worries, so I sent a wire
across the ocean to him:

"Walfy (stop). I have named the ship Alabaster
(stop). Yours truly (stop). Leora (stop)."

Amazingly, naming the ship "Alabaster" was a turning
point in Dermot McWalfish's career as a pirate. He
left the ship at a warf just off Cambodia so that he
could have nine slaves, none older than eleven,
paint the name onto the ship. Why nine? Because there
are nine letters in the name "Alabaster".

The slaves were neither literate, or fluent in
English, so it took a few days to do this job
properly. During that time, McWalfish wandered the
streets of Kompong Som searching for potential
crew-mates. Late one night at a speakeasy/brothel he
met a young Frenchman named Olivier DesSources who had
been stranded in Cambodia since he was a child when a
cruise ship he was on caught fire and sunk, leaving
him as the only survivor.

McWalfish could not believe what he was hearing! That
same cruise ship was the cruise ship he was searching
for. Legend had it that when the cruise ship sunk,
millions of dollars worth of vintage wine sunk with
it.

Yes, that was the "treasure" he was searching for.
His plan was to sell half the wine and drink the other
half. Then use the money he made by selling the wine
to buy more wine (Maria Cristina though, cause it's
cheap.)

It was a deal. Olivier became McWalfish's personal
bodyguard, both asea and on land.

McWalfish made a good choice. While at sea, they
encountered McWalfish's long lost enemy: Murdoch
McWalSeabass. Murdoch not only had his eye on the
legendary crewship, but he also fancied young
Frenchmen and had a dungeon full of them on his ship.

So what happened? Did McSeaBass kidnap Olivier? Did
anyone find the sunken cruise ship?

I don't know. I haven't heard from McWalfish in a few
years, and I couldn't quite decipher the postcard he
sent me because he was so drunk at the time of writing
it that the postcard was incomprehensible.

A friend just explained his experience watching Kill Bill 2 while dead tired, fighting to stay awake and coming down from a high at half-past midnight. I suggested he do the Passion of the Christ the same way. Nice people. Happy people.

I gotta get my wisdom teeth out. Sucks to that. And to your ass-mar.

This concludes the Awards.

PS: Free Tibet and get out of Iraq.

Stop! Lamatime.

Face it, you really can't touch this.

WOOOOHOOOO!

So I'm going to see the Dalai Lama's ceremonial acceptance of a Doctorate Degree of Laws and the Acharya Sushil Kumar peace prize. Today, at 2:45. Sweet!

The Dalai Lama is the Man, and I'll tell you why:

1. Non-absolutism in religion - he ended his speech at the skydome by saying "and if you think what I say is nonsense, then forget about it," and then he laughed.


2. Secular Ethics - A concept he articulated, maintaining that basic human goodness exists independently of a religious framework. If I and every other person in the skydome had been holding a glass of champagne, I would have proposed a toast.


3. Non-violent protest - Well how much do I really have to say about this? There's websites out there, go read 'em.


4. The idea that religious, economic, and social concerns are inseparable - It seems like I wouldn't agree with this, but what I like about it is that it contradicts the dogma of the modularization of modern, technological life

You know what he's done for Tibet, let me tell you what he did for me. Thanks to the schedule overlap between the ceremony and my physics exam, my registrar just informed me that I've been granted an exam deferal, and because I'll be in Europe this August for legitimate reasons, I won't have to write the physics exam until next year! Either December or even April, we're not sure yet. Either way:

WOOHOO!

Surprise!

The New Model

Are you surprised? I bet you are. Check out my blog's summer wardrobe. Man, having to study for exams has led to an astronomical increase in my time-wasting productivity. On the bright side, instead of learning about physics or Western lit, I learned all sorts of web standards stuff. You could read this blog on a cellphone now if you wanted. I would've done an RSS syndication deal, but not enough people read this anyway.

I am one step closer to the Dalai Lama, now that I've dropped off my petition to defer my physics exam so I can go see his honorary degree ceremony and speech. I've been given the following requests:

• Ask him if it's true he was Chosen to be the Dalai Lama the way it was in that movie (I don't know), where three days after the previous Dalai Lama died, his head (the dead one) lolled in a certain direction, and his followers went off thataway looking until they found young Tenzin Gyatso. Andra's dad wants to know that.


and


• Sing the badger song while he's talking. Ben wants me to do that. I said no, but I will think the song briefly while he speaks. Ben said it would be great if the Dalai Lama can read my mind and hears me think-singing it, and sings MUSHROOM MUSHROOM.

But that song ain't even funny.

Anyone else? You've got until Tuesday morn.

I just bought six bottles of orange juice (minute maid, oj is oj to me) three pink lemonades and a crangrapeberry juice. Having to use up $400 in dedicated food money from your smart card in 2 weeks can be fun. Last week I bought 40 chocolate bars. A dilemma: on the one hand, I've got so much free money to use up before it gets deleted on May 8th. On the other hand, I it wouldn't do to get all fat and stuff.

A dilly of a pickle if ever there was one. Anyone want free food?

Pay me a visit, I'll hook ya right up.

Oh, and I'm now using Gmail, so, you know, w00t and stuff. Everyone try sending stuff to andre.bb at gmail.com. At the moment i'm not planning on switching for good. For example, I need to know if I can use Outlook with it and all the normal stuff I worry about with email. 'Cause email's bloody damn important these days. Still, 1Gb of free mailage. Sounds good to me.

Now, then, it's normally my practice, ever since the blogodrama, to put ordinary blogging fare second and writing stories and things first, or at least snippets of respectable writing. Today would be an exception, but here's what I want you to do instead:

1. There is a pirate in the South Seas named Dermot McWalfish. He has worked other jobs.


2. His Ship will need a name


3. His title is Dread Sea Dog


4. You must give me a brief account of one of his crew members and the treasure they are searching for, as well as an explanation of his arch-nemesis.

Here's one student's example:

LOL before dermot was a milkman and his ships name is THE tIPSY BARNICLE and his looker-outer guy is Gilmont, who is a Hungarian Lord in disguise looking for his long lost brother Rakluzs and Capn McWalfish is hunting for Pete Best's right leg and his arch enemy is EVILMAN O'DEDLY, who is a hamster ninja OMG!!!!! XP T_t z0rs

The best entry wins nothing!

Car Crashed In The Middle of the Road Outaside a My Window

I think he's president of Ireland

Who makes waffles? Someone out there makes 'em. I demand a Waffles of Mass Deliciousness party. Canada cannot sit idly by while the ingredients of Waffles of Mass Deliciousness sit unseen, untasted, in the dark cupboards and pantries of innocent-looking kitchens. I will dispatch an international team of Waffle Inspectors.

Did anyone else know Kermit the frog went on the Daily Show? Coolio can do Beat the Geeks as much as he wants, he'll always be second fiddle to that.

Can anyone tell me the semantic difference between <em> and <i>? Looq?

I'm not gonna see Max and Luke before they go to Southeast Asia to get stabbed robbed and raped and experience various other behaviors of Southeast Asian primates. And they're going to Borneo. They're gonna see orangutans. If they go to Borneo and don't see orangs they're what one British fireman called "stupid berks." There's only twenty years left, unless we stop killing them with our stupid crap.

Speaking of killing things with our stupid crap, are you aware that 99% of blogs in the world suck? Of course you are! You read them! Sometimes you even write them! Actually, I should say that all blogs suck at least once in a while. Sure, why not? Just 99% suck consistently.

But the worst of these are the anti-blog blogger types who only write about how much blogs suck and how bloggers are stupid, complain about Moveable Type and bandy about words like "iMac" "latté sipping" and "smug hipster." Dude, you're blogging right now. I'm not really complaining, mind you. Anything I can do instead of studying is obviously good for something.

Some nice trends I like:

• Blogs by writers, about writing (check out "Future Grizzly" in the links. Not the best, but with a bunch of other links)


• Blogs by good writers who're used to publishing and are writing on the side in much same the way as movie stars appearing in off-broadway plays. Salam Pax is the opposite, he started out by writing that sort of blog and ended up hired by the BBC. Wesley Crusher isn't. He sucks.


• ridiculously geeky blogs


• and leora's blog, which is not a trend because there aren't a bunch of them.

I've got a surprise for you.