December 10, 2004

I want . . .

I'm tired.

My exams are done, a big   gap   in the school year waits for me
To fall in . . .

In winter I probably need the time off. I always hate the little fist my mind has tightened into by this part of the year. I'm work-minded. Winter's bad to me in other ways too: my hands freeze and dry up until little lines of blood appear on my knuckles and the ball of my wrist, making it hurt to type, or play piano, or do dishes. My lips crack. In fact every night I wake up with dust in my mouth and have to climb out of bed to get a drink of water.

And some spirit has carpeted my room in the finest grains of sand, that pack and screech minutely against each other when trod on.

The house seems a lot bigger, there is a taste of salinity in the air. Expansiveness too, as if the walls are backing away from something. A stalking hydrophage.

Outside my window a sucking wind howls through dessicated twigs of trees and soon will blast through huddling dunes of needles of snow, transforming them into hurricanes.

And the edge of my left eye thinks I see a flash of someone watching me from behind a curtain. And at the edge of my right ear, at the threshold of hearing, someone whispers:

"Did you see . . . ?"

December 06, 2004

And Then I Read the Poems, And Then I Felt Alright

current mood: feelin' alright
current music: this ain't livejournal

Just did my Big Poetry In-Class Essay Numbah 1, concerning a couple of sonnets by a certain Shakespeare I could name. Wanna know what of its I kicked? I'll give you a hint: it was the ass.

So yeah, if I used the phrase "slam dunk" for anything, and I think I should start,* it would be this.

Just in case it was too good, I entitled the essay Shakespeare: Melon Farmer or Echidna? That oughta keep success from going to my head.

------

* Scene: André is in the kitchen, playing Simon with Ray Charles. Enter Dave.

André: Hey Dave.

Dave: (hoisting bag o' bagels aloft) We have bagels!

André: Nice, how much were they?

Dave: Two dollars off!

André: (somewhat impressed) Slam dunk.

Ray Charles: Hell yeah! (Then he wins at Simon, while I'm not looking)

roll credits.

December 05, 2004

A Lie of Omission

Today a stranger emailed me to say she wished me good luck finding my friend. True Story.

December 03, 2004

Something Something

I want to be brushed by the breeze that can’t help feeling happier than sad.
I want negative entropy.
I want a smile like an open palm,
not unlike rain-soaked earth after a drought.
I want to dance wildly on rain-spattered earth after a drought.
I want dust to mud to earth to life.
I want the moral of the story, that, even when I can’t see it, always is there.
I want matter and antimatter and chaos and the beginning of the world.
And the World.
To feed pearls to black elephants.
Smoke to follow the extinguished candle’s gaze.
Fire.
I want to read that monologue I didn’t do in OAC - my fourth piece.
I want to be weak in the knees,
and to hear my heart.
I want to fly the world backwards, and around itself.
I want someone to call me crazy and mean it.
I want someone to call me out and mean it.
I want the vague suggestion of pairs to resolve itself and become real everywhere in me.

November 17, 2004

Noise Nothing


Hands on the piano rock back and forth like leaves falling without a breeze, an ear stirs to the touch of notes. Springling music becomes a warm, wet patter. Demanding to know all the composer knew, the listener strains. Is there a grain of wisdom he can pull from it, yank from it, wrest away and deposit meekly in a meager store his own?

The music ends, the fall of leaves leaving nothing but bare, naked branches, and the musician stares at the piano even after standing up, for a brief arc of ticking seconds. A short counting time, the music is still in his mind, and then the craze of other sounds obliterates it. Later, later it will resound and under one voice rise to a greatness of doing and feeling. Now unknown, a Quiet queen circulates in hollow hallways.