The Unswung Bat

Saturday, February 07, 2004
 
All Right

What the fuck is going on the the shadows? Where is everything coming from? What is this shit? Why do all these good people keep getting buckled by something I can't see? Show me, people, because Chloe is a good person, Ben is a good person, Alison and Dave are good people, Nick is a good person too. None of them perfect or blameless or angels and neither am I, but for fuck's sake that's what makes angels such a nice idea, isn't it? IS there something going on in the shadows?

When I say good people I just mean anyone who acts like they are a human being with emotions and maybe friends. So they're everywhere, but if I can get along with someone, that makes them one of my favorite people in the world, without any strings attached. Not even if you want them.

I don't, for one, want to make anyone feel that their positivity is mandatory, that my world hinges on their presence, or that I'll hate them if they have a fucking bad day, or bad month, and don't want to smile or show up. And I'm not just thinking of one person when I say that. I've had fucking bad months too, and were it not for a couple of people who were willing to be decent about it, I would have been a broken wreck at times. I wish I always knew how to be a good friend. Thanks.

There's a theory, a model I guess, that billions or trillions of angels exist and each one is a separate species, and that's what humans aspire to, that kind of specialness and individuality, but we aren't like that. You aren't. I'm not. Roll over.

We aren't Victorians, either. We don't need to hide everything that hurts us and maintain a veneer. Nor do we need to be ashamed about hiding some injuries without maintaining a veneer. Put it in a cast. Wear a big ugly eyepatch. All I know is that something really fucked up is going on and since no one will show it to me all I can see of it is the fact that it is almost systematically hurting a lot of my favorite people, very badly. Clue me the fuck in. Right now.



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